Well, we received some really good news today that we are happy to share: they will be transferring dad to a stepdown room in the next day or so because the doctors and nurses feel he is ready to be in a "less restrictive environment" (ok, so it is a special ed term, but it in no way reflects dad's level of functioning- we hope:). He has been able to tolerate being off the ventilator off and on for over 24 hours, his blood pressure is better regulated, and he is incredibly bored and needs a change of scenery, as well as the motivation to become active again.

Although this is all good news, we are incredibly frightened and ambivalent about not only him leaving the comfort of the ICU, but us having to leave the safety of the continual contact with the nurses, as well as familiarity with the routine we have had for the last 5 weeks. I think it is harder for the family to deal with the change than the patient. Dad can't wait to get out of there, but we are a bit more reluctant. We have come to know, love, and feel comfortable with the nurses and doctors and we have trusted them with our fathers' and husbands' care. It is hard to try something different, but as I tell all my clients, if you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you always got...and I don't want dad to stay stuck doing what he is doing right now, so as fearful as we are, we are also thrilled with the prospects ahead of us. I keep telling myself, my sister and my mother, it is ok to be scared; we are unsure of what is ahead of us, but as long as we stick together, we can get through this despite our fear.

I am leaving early tomorrow morning to head back to work so I can deal with everyone else's problems (which is a good distraction at times, at others I am like "are you serious?!"), and Carrie comes back next weekend, so mom may need some added support in the next week while we are away. For those of you that have continued to call, write, mail cards, put food in the fridge (you know who you are!!), and send healing energy, please continue to do so. All of your kind gestures are so appreciated, and if the favors need be returned if you are ever in a time of need, you know you can count on us because that is what loved ones are for!!

Love, Tracy

Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. Euripedes

Well, even though this is dad's typical position, he would certainly rather be resting in the confines of his own comfy home with his partner, Dexter, as opposed to the ICU bed where he has been for 5 weeks now. My mom and I went to visit him today and I was really excited to see him. He appeared to be glad to see me, and when my mother tested him as to who I was, he gave her the "stink eye", as in "who are you kidding lady?!" My mom likes to do that to him; she quizzes him about his knowledge to see if there has been memory loss, and more often than not, after she throws in a wrong answer, dad will provide this look as if to say "you are the idiot, not me." This look is reassurance to all of us who know my father.

He was certainly more alert than when I last saw him, which was prior to and right after the last surgery he had. He is more interactive, and is able to indicate through nonverbal gestures some of his needs and requests. The cardiologist did a consult yesterday and has changed the blood pressure meds, which is one of the sole reasons he is still in the ICU. Hopefully they will take the desired effect and we can begin to look towards the step-down environment. He was also off the vent for 5 hours this morning, and then again as we were leaving afternoon visiting hours. So these are all signs of progress. I tried to use a communication board with him today, but unfortunately the one they could find in the ICU was in Spanish, so when I pointed to a picture of a person with lightning bolts to the body and the caption "tienes dolor?" dad looked at me like "who are you kidding?"; I suppose instead of one understanding that meant do you have pain in the body, someone who does not speak Spanish would understandably believe the person was being electrocuted. So we will wait until they can dig up one in English. A second language was not a requirement when dad was in school, back in the olden days...

So, all in all, he is doing as well as can be. Now his spirits and mood are a different story. Imagine laying in a bed in the same position for 5 weeks, without the ability to talk, move part of your body, eat, walk, etc...It is difficult to imagine but I know I would be bored, irritated, depressed, annoyed, fidgety, and angry. So trying to make him laugh is part of the daily routine, and empathizing with his current condition. We just can't wait to bring him home, but we will have to wait...it is still a ways away.

Thanks again to all who ready this regularly, and who send cards, positive and healing energy, call, pray, and keep us in your thoughts. We appreciate the show of love and support more than you could ever know.

Love, Tracy

Hi Everyone,

Not a lot to report tonight.
Hal had a very good night of sleep Thurs. night, so he was alert today.

The cardiologist was in today. This is for the purpose of finding out why his blood pressure and heart rate is so erratic, even though he is on the same medication prior to the incident/hospital that was doing its job before.

The doctor ordered quite a few tests, and assured me that he would come up with a solution. I must admit, I liked the doctor very much and felt really confident in his choices. This just continues to confirm my confidence in all the doctors and nurses at St. Mary's. It is really an awesome facility.

The good news is that Tracy is arriving at PBI in about an hour, and I will be really happy to see her.

Love to all of you,
Linda

Dear Family and Friends.

Today was a really good day, that made me very hopeful.
Hal was alert, even though I was told he did not sleep well last night. But, to me that means he understands I am there for only specific( ICUhours only) and if he sleeps through my visit he misses it.

He seemed to understand and nodded or shook his head when I asked a question. This made me feel he is becoming more aware of not only his surroundings, but whatever is asked of him.

I have asked for a cardio consult , and it has been arranged for tomorrow morning,because I see this as an impediment at this point. Hi s irregular heartbeat and his erratic blood pressure are an involvement everyday in his breathing, which right now is so important. We will wait to see what the doctor says.

But I am very hopeful, and thank all of you for all the praying and the wonderful thoughts that are coming from around the globe.

I am so thankful for living in a community such as this where my neighbors are giving me such a great support system.

And goes without saying the support and love from our families.

With love, Linda

Hi all,

Hal was very alert today, and according to the nurses "actually frisky".

Janey his nurse yesterday and today, said when she bent over him he took the pen from her pocket and then did not want to give it back to her.

I had to wrestle the tissue box from him after he gently swatted her on the arm when she started to suction him because of the fluid that has accumulated in his lungs. And, because of that he was 4 hrs. on and off the ventilator, so for now that is a little bit of a step back.

BUT, are we seeing a little of the old Hal in these little acts of childlike behavior? Is this him saying, "I'm still here, don't count me out yet" ? I am very hopeful when I see this behavior, this is the man I know. All of the nurses keep telling me how much better he is doing, and this is the progress in the ICU they thy crave to see.

I think we have a long road ahead, but it is so helpful to see some positives.

Please continue the thoughts and prayers. It means so much to Carrie, Tracy and me.
With love, Linda

I can't believe it will be 5 weeks this coming Sat.

I miss my dad. I cannot explain how excited I am to go and see him this weekend. I want to see what progress he has made, I want to spend time holding his hand, watching TV with him, telling him about what I have been up to. It has been so hard to be away from him. It is difficult to explain what it is like not being there, with my eyes not on him to see for myself what it is that the nurses are reporting over the phone. It is also difficult to think that while I am up and about, going about my daily routine, my father has been confined to an ICU bed for over a month now. I think about him all throughout the day. My mind continually wanders back to how he is doing and what he is up to at the moment. I find it strange, yet probably understandable, that as I sit with my clients, I can relate anything they are speaking about back to my father. He is just always in my thoughts and he saturates everything I think, feel and do. I love him so much and want him to know how much I need him in my life. I have always admired his quiet wisdom and how uncomplicated he tried to live. I am definitely trying to incorporate these teachings in my daily life because I certainly need to keep things simple right now. When everything else feels so complex, I think about the love I have for my father and I smile, because it is so innocent and pure.
Love you dad,
Tracy

HI ALL<

Well Today was a good day.
Hal had a CT Scan early this morning and the results showed a minimum amount of blood remaining, which translates into what he can absorb on his own. And, this is good news.

When I arrived today, he had been on the wind sprints (meaning off the ventilator) since 8:30 a.m. and was doing very well. When I left at 5p.m. he was still off the ventilator, and still doing well.

He seemed more alert than yesterday, and seemed to understand everything I was saying to him. When I told him that Hillary Clinton had been named Secy of State, he gave a "thumbs up".
Thank God, he remembers my training.

The nurses think he is doing much better, and love the waves he gives to them off and on. He is directly across from the nurses station so they can watch him constantly.

I miss him at home...and so do Dexter and Hiro....but we all have hope that he will be home sometime.

Please keep up the prayers and good thoughts, I appreciate them more than you will ever know.

Love, Linda