Well, what can I say? There are no words that can describe the experience we are having. Pain, sadness, frustration, anger, sorrow. None of these seem to touch the depth of feelings that are right below the surface layer of skin. If I were to allow myself to feel these, I am afraid that I might not be able to get up in the morning because it does not seem fair to go on living when my dad is so close to death.
The questions that go through my mind are ones that I am sure others have asked when faced with the loss of someone very special and important to them. Why did this have to happen? Why is it his time to go? What am I supposed to learn from this experience? What do I do now?
My dad has pneumonia, which is interfering with his breathing, and he is unable to clear his own airway. The doctors spoke of another tracheotomy, but only for comfort purposes. He also has a blood clot in his arm, which is causing his heart to have to work harder to pump. These maladies are on top of the multitude of other problems he is having. How much more can an 80-year-old man go through? Not much.
My dad is very sick. He is not going to get better this time. He has fought so hard to come back from his accident, and he has proven how strong and courageous he is; but we already knew this. His body and mind have gone through more than one can endure, and he was able to "recover" for a period of time, which was an absolute miracle. We are so proud of him!
My father is the most brave man I know. I want to be just like him when I grow up.
I love you dad with all my heart and soul. You will always be my inspiration.
Love your little one,
Tracy
2 comments:
My prayers are with you all! Alyson
With tears in my eyes and an aching and painful heart and body send you all every bit of my love.
Lisa
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