
Carrie and I were at the hospital in the afternoon and evening. Mom stayed home for the day to get things done around the house, take a break, and allow us girls to spend some time with our father. The main thing we noticed about him was that he was restless and fidgety. As he becomes more conscious of the situation, he becomes more aware of his limitations, such as not being able to get out of the bed. He wanted to peel the tape off holding the feeding tube in place, as well as some of the tape holding in the IVs. Also as he become cognizant, he tries to communicate more through nonverbal gestures, as well as mouthing words because he is still unable to speak with the trach tube. A few times we were able to figure out what he was saying, but at other times Carrie and felt really frustrated because we could not figure out what he was saying, therefore unable to be of help to him. We tried to have him write something down, but since he cannot use his left hand, and his right hand does not have adequate strength, that proved to be fruitless. We did bring some more photos in of us and the dogs so that he could begin to recognize and remember who we are.
I think it is way too soon to know just how much he understands, comprehends, as well as remembers. Yesterday I felt myself wanting to assess his level of cognition, functioning and mental status, and I had to step out of the professional role and into the daugther role and just let my dad be himself and accept where he is at the moment. Maybe it is best if we don't respond to attempts to communicate so that he does not get upset with our inability to understand; instead maybe we should just encourage him to rest and save his energy for healing. This is the most frustrating and difficult process I have ever experienced and I want to make sense of it but I don't know how. I just still can't believe this is really happening.
When Carrie and I went back for evening visiting hours, we noticed how exhausted he is, which is due to several reasons. The respiratory therapist has him on a cycle of using the vent for an hour and then having him breathe on his own for an hour. This is an exhausting process, not to mention the amount of futzing they do with him around the clock. There is also the possibility of dad having sleep apnea, so he is waking up constantly and never getting restful sleep. His level of discomfort keeps him up, as well as the ICU being a really noisy and busy place, therefore the circadian rhythms get totally screwed up. Last night they provided him with a sleeping medication, Ambien, so let's hope he finally got some rest. We want to be able to give his body ample time to heal, and that can't happen if he is awake and uncomfortable all the time. So we will all go back today for the afternoon visiting hours, and then Carrie and I head home until next weekend, when we both come back to spend more time with dad. As we left the room last night when visiting hour were over, we said to him "you have to stay here; we will be back tomorrow." Without the ability to use words, the look on his face conveyed just how confusing and unfair this situation is, and I could not agree more.
- Tracy
No comments:
Post a Comment